Battling

It's a battle.
Each and every day.
Some days I have my armor on and it goes well.
Other days, well...
Well, my arms are weak and I am not holding my shield and sword up high but rather down by my sides. Yeah, that is how it's been here lately.

I was talking to my BNH the other night. He had been out visiting and encouraging our oldest son in VA for a few days and we were trying to catch each other up with all the news. I explained to him how I felt that I was going along so strong covered by Grace and wham! it was completely the opposite. He said, "Yeah, it's like you get flipped on your back." That was exactly it! Immediately the image of a bug lying on its back pathetically waving its legs back and forth came to mind. I was feeling pathetic too. Torn between wanting to flap around for awhile in self-pity mode and fighting with the fact that it was going to be a true struggle, i.e. work, to get myself righted. Not just righted for the moment either.

A battle.
A serious front line battle.
One that starts with choices.
Choices that are intentionally made not passively slipped into.

Will I be like a bug and choose to flail around for an extended period?

Will I choose to lift up my weak arms and strengthen my feeble knees even if I fall on my back again in minutes?

And, if when I fall again, will I be determined to get back up yet again??

We've been hit with another illness in the house. We are tired. My poor 6yr.old has coughed himself to the moon and back. :(  It was so easy to want to complain this morning after little sleep and a long day of work ahead. But after spending some time in Philippians yesterday for my study, today I said "no." Not gonna go there.

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault... Phil. 2:14-15

My friend in my small group said she noticed that the verse about complaining was 2:14.
2-14 as in "it was just Valentine's Day."
2-14 as in LOVE.
If I really believe He loves me, I'm not going to complain. He's got my best in mind even, and especially when, the going gets tough and I fall on my back.

It's a battle to believe in His great love for me. And it's a battle to love His will more than my own. There's no room for sneaky doubt or those proud thoughts that say, "I know what's best for me and this is so not it!"

My desire is to be blameless and pure without complaining, accepting His good will for me.  My desire is to battle well.

Simply,
Victoria